Surpressed sexual desires of Icelandic miners cause of eruptions
An investigation into the origins of the volcanic eruption of Eyjafjallajoekull in Iceland has found that a town of sex-starved miners is to blame for the eruption. Just one week after Iceland’s prime minister, Johanna Sigurdardottir, announced a complete eradication of the sex industry in the country the intensity built up in the hard working miners caused a shift in the tectonic plates triggering the eruption.
The news of the ban on the sex industry and women as sex objects came as a real boost for feminists around the world and now the eruption has upset the applecart. A spokesperson for Icelandic women’s rights group www.kvennasogusafn.is stated: “It’s terrible that all our good work has been overshadowed by this international news event. Men really do need to get off more often than women. They’re like dogs humping old pillows. We never thought it would reach this scale of a natural disaster though.”
The miners began to pummel the earth around the volcano last week in order to relieve the build up in pressure sexual thoughts and lack of sex they had previously off-loaded at the local strip club. A representative of the mining community stated how their lack of work as coal extractors combined with the loss of their only release has gripped the town with shock and caused an outcry amongst the miners, “They feel victimized. Lads around here haven’t been able to empty their sacks at all…something had to give.”
Michael O’Leary of Ryanair has offered to team up with a Peter Stringfellow ‘elite troupe’ of dancing girls to quell the disaster by flying right into the centre of the volcano. This, however, has met with obstructions from the Icelandic government. A volcanic expert for the government stated that this was not the solution, “This Voljaculation (volcanic ejaculation) is a unique and isolated event and will eventually pass. Everyone should just smoke a cigar and have a cappuccino. We do not need to roll back the giant strides taken by this government in order to quell this catastrophe. We should look through the ash and see a brighter future where Bjork sings on top of the volcano and we celebrate our giant strides to a more egalitarian society.”
Article published on Tuesday, April 20th, 2010 at 8:30 am.Filed under Article, International.
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